The Box

A week ago I prepared to begin my annual retreat. I was less than enthusiastic and was actually dragging my feet. I had low expectations and had expressed these to anyone who asked me if I was looking forward to my retreat time. Looking back, I was acting like a spoiled baby who was not getting her own way. The reason for this was because I was going to a new place for retreat – the place that I loved, the place by the beach, the place with the sunrises and sunsets, with the big porches and rocking chairs, was closed so I had to find a new place this year. The only plus, at least in my estimation, was that my long-time spiritual director was going to be with me and I was looking forward to seeing her in person again.

I brought work with me to do, I brought books with me to read, I brought computer games to play – I just knew that I was going to need all of this because this retreat was not going to be as good as my other ones – because I was going to a new place.

Here is breaking news: God does not like to be boxed in by my low expectations – God does not like being limited – God does not like that I was not willing to be awed and wowed by his working in this place – by God working in the silence – by God working through the beauty of nature – by God working through my director – by God working in me.

God has blessed me during these days with time, peace, God’s presence and explicit messages. I have marveled at how he has drawn me to the small, simple chapel that is in the house where I am staying. I have been breathless at how God has joked and winked, how God has challenged and nudged, how God has loved and revealed himself. And it all happened not at the place where I wanted to be but at the place where God is – where God called me – where God lives and loves – wherever we open our hearts up to him – wherever we make ourselves available to him, there God will be.

Do Not Box God In! God wants to be The God of Your Everything.

Nativity

I am not a collector – I do not like to have a lot of stuff around – I am much more of a throw things out kind of person – I really can’t even stand having a lot of emails in my inbox. But I will admit to having a number of Nativity scenes, carvings, and figurines.

As I sat in mass this past weekend thinking about the Magi and gazing upon the Nativity scene, I started to wonder what it is about this scene that always draws me in? What does this scene say to me over and over again each year? The following words came to me: GRACE, VULNERABILITY, PEACE, SIMPLICITY.

GRACE – this scene – this moment is filled with God’s grace – God’s enormous gift of self – and these people, these characters are so open, so willing to accept all that God is giving to them. They are there ready for God to reveal himself and to be transformed by his gifts and presence. Do I find myself in some of these characters?

VULNERABILITY – these Wise men and shepherds gather around this intimate scene – strangers yet they share this most reverent and holiest of nights. Courage to move closer, to love, to marvel, overtakes them as they witness pure miracle and goodness.

PEACE – I don’t think the scene was quiet – there was a newborn baby, donkeys, lambs, sheep, birds, dogs and who knows what else? But, I do think there was a great sense of peace and calm – a deep peace and connection with the ONE who had called all of them together to celebrate this birth, this moment, this miracle.

SIMPLICITY – here they are, all focused on this one moment – not worried about anything else going on in their lives. I can only imagine the sense of freedom they feel, the sense of letting go of all that is unnecessary in order to be with the ONE who is necessary.

Nativity = Grace + Vulnerability + Peace + Simplicity. Amen

But God…

Are there times during the night when you wake up wondering, worrying, trying to figure something out? This happens to me often, especially since last March during the time of this COVID pandemic. Solving problems, managing situations, anticipating planning – all of these things and more wake me up and start circling around in my head like the billboards in New Your City’s Times Square. Recently God came to my aide – not that I haven’t asked for some help before, but perhaps now I am finally open to listening, open to trusting, open to accepting?

As worries and planning circled around one night, these words came to me “But God.” But God? What in the world is that supposed to mean? – a long pause and then “Jesus was crucified But God raised him to eternal life.” “Hard things happen But God can make something good come from them.”

I took a longer pause and then I was flooded by a lot of But God’s. For example: I was stressed about being able to be in school, But God has helped us continue until December. I wondered how we would keep everyone safe, But God sent generous parents to purchase air purifiers for each classroom. I had high anxiety about providing a quality education for our students, But God has blessed us with amazing and dedicated teachers. I was worried that our students would not have any fun in school, But God has provided great Blue Ribbon festivities, Halloween fun, dress down days, Christmas decorations, and many other things to celebrate.

But then God said, I have always promised that I will give you what you need. He’s an ever present help in times of need … and He’s got it! But God.

College Football Quandary

Before I was born, I was a Notre Dame Football fan. My dad loved the Irish and all of his 5 daughters love the Irish also. I could go on and on with stories of us cheering for the team – making “tunnels” so it looked like they were running through us as they came onto the field, having noise makers, banging pots and pans – even my father telling the priest on New Year’s Eve that they mass had to be over in 40 mins because that would get us home in time to watch ND vs Texas in the ’78 Cotton Bowl.

This weekend presents a big challenge for me. Notre Dame plays Navy as they do every year. It is a huge dilemma for me – my beloved Fighting Irish or the Midshipman of the Naval Academy? My dad also faced this same dilemma every year. He was a Marine (Korea) along with his 2 brothers (WWII and Korea). My Uncle, his brother-in-law, (Korea) and cousin served in the Navy. I also had the great privilege of living in Virginia Beach, VA for 9 years. This huge and powerful military area allowed me to make many good and life-long friends who served in the Navy.

Adding to this quandary, Navy actually saved Notre Dame during World War II. Most of the men from Notre Dame were fighting the war causing ND to almost close because they had so few students. Without Navy, Notre Dame may not still exist. In 1943, Notre Dame offered all of its facilities to the Navy and Navy began sending men, thus saving the University of Notre Dame. At the same time, ND was able to offer support to the war efforts and to the Navy.

Notre Dame has never forgotten Navy’s kindness and support in its time of dire need. In fact, in the 1950s and 60s when colleges across the country were ending their ROTC programs, Notre Dame stood by Navy and allowed its University to serve as a base for college naval recruits.

To honor this relationship, Notre Dame promised to play Navy every year for as long as Navy wanted. The mutual respect is evident on the field during and after the game. Each team will travel to the opponents’ end zones to stand and honor their alma mater.

Who will I cheer for????? Go Navy beat Irish! Go Irish beat Navy!

Inclusion – All Are Welcome

This popular phrase “All Are Welcome” can be found in many Catholic schools and on many web pages and printed materials. We even sing the song, written by Marty Haugen, All Are Welcome, at many of our masses. It is a great song, with nice words, but when we think about it in the context of welcoming all learners into our Catholic schools, the words ring hollow.

I recently completed the Program for Inclusive Education through the University of Notre Dame. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done! It was demanding, rigorous, took hours and hours of my time and energy, and yet, completing the program and learning about inclusion is one of the most rewarding accomplishments of my life.

A few verses from Marty’s Haugen’s song

The call for inclusion is not just focused on St. Patrick School. It is a universal call to all Catholic schools made by Pope Francis, the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops, the National Catholic Educational Association, The National Catholic Board on Full Inclusion, and most importantly, Jesus Christ.

How lucky is Pope Francis?

It is our hope that at St. Pat’s, we will welcome all children because every child is a gift from God, every child has unique gifts and talents to share, every child enriches our school community. Our faculty is ready, our children are ready, our hearts are ready to be an Inclusive Catholic School. In Haugen’s words: “let us build a house where love can dwell…”

The front entrance of St. Patrick School

The Shove

 

If you have ever been shoved, you know that it can be pretty forceful, and at times, even rough. The shove can propel you with great force as you try to protect yourself from any unintended impact. I have been getting shoved around lately, not by a person, but from God. It began as a gentle nudge, but the more I ignored and resisted the nudges, the stronger they became until they turned into a full blown shove.

Why has God been shoving me around lately? Well, about 3 years ago I began thinking about going back to study on the topic of inclusion in Catholic schools. I wanted to know how we could serve all students and families better. I wanted to know if/how we could use the resources we have at St. Pat’s to teach students with many different learning styles and needs. I wanted to know if we could welcome families who had children with intellectual or cognitive differences. I wanted to know St. Pat’s could really be inclusive – where “all are welcomed.”

However, I really did not want to study again – to write papers – take tests – complete group assignments – give presentations – I love the learning but not the work. “I am getting too old for this – pick someone else,” I told God. Along the way I picked up information from some Catholic Universities who were beginning programs for inclusive education in Catholic schools – I put their brochures into a pile and occasionally would glance at them and say, “No, I should really just throw them out because I am not going to do that.”

For 2-3 years this tug of war continued between God and me – the more he bothered and nagged me about this, the deeper I dug in my heels. And, the deeper I dug in, the stronger his nudges became until they were full out shoves.

This past May, I began studying at the University of Notre Dame in their Program for Inclusive Education for Catholic Schools. I am 2 courses in and I can honestly say that I have never worked harder, never been as academically challenged as I have been for the past 3 months, never doubted if I could do something like I have in this program – full disclosure, every day this summer I thought about dropping out! BUT, I have never learned as much, never been challenged to think totally differently, never been as energized, and never felt as strong of a call as I do right now to lead in a way that prepares St. Pat’s to be a Catholic school of inclusion open to welcoming the exceptionalities of all students.

“We are called to celebrate the God-given potential of every student.”

There is much work to be done – there is still a whole lot of learning to be done – and I am sure there will still be some shoving by God – bottom line – GOD WINS!

Words Matter

I am debating writing about this because I am feeling old fashioned, too conservative, and, antiquated. I want to be progressive – I want to be cool and open-minded. I want to be middle of the road and listen to all sides, but I just can’t do it on this issue.

I am debating writing about this because I am feeling old fashioned, too conservative, and, antiquated. I want to be progressive – I want to be cool and open-minded. I want to be middle of the road and listen to all sides, but I just can’t do it about this.

Recently I have really been bothered by people referring to our Easter vacation as “spring break.” It is the same way I feel when people refer to our Christmas vacation as our “winter break.”

As a Catholic educator for over 30 years, I find it difficult to see some of our Catholic tradition being eased out by secular language and thinking. We have an Easter vacation to remember what happened during Holy Week and the celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. Our Easter vacation has nothing to do with the season of spring, but everything to do with Jesus’ suffering, death, and resurrection.

We celebrate our Christmas vacation because we want to experience the joy of God sending his own Son into the world, not to celebrate the snowflakes and cold weather of the winter season. Our liturgical calendar gives us opportunities to celebrate liturgical seasons of Advent, Christmas, Ordinary time, Lent, and Easter. These are the seasons for our Catholic faith.

I know I am putting myself out there for criticism and ridicule. “Get with it.” “Don’t be so conservative and uptight.” “If doesn’t really matter what we call our vacations.” “You need to get over it – it is the way of the world.” I have been trying to “get over it.” I have been trying not to rock the boat. I have been trying to let it go and focus on other things. And yet, every time I hear spring and winter break, I cringe – something pricks my conscience and tells me that it is not OK – that I need to say something – that I just can’t keep hiding behind “this is the way it is.”

This feeling – this voice – it keeps prodding me to say something – to stand up for the core of my Catholic faith – and I know from past experience, it will not leave me alone until I do something – until I listen – take a risk – and say what THE VOICE is asking me to say: As Catholics, as a Catholic school, we celebrate Christmas and Easter vacation.

I feel better already.

 

 

 

A Surprise Gift

For two days – this past Tuesday and Wednesday – I complained, whined, and moaned about the snow. I said, texted, and sent my Bitmoji at least 1000 times with this message –  “I am over this.”

I worried and stressed out about how to set up a new standardized testing schedule, how to reschedule meetings and due dates, and how to stay on top of the shoveling. I was on a roll of being negative and then God, as He often does to me, slapped me upside my head. He knows I am not good with subtle – I need a strong and forthright approach! His message to me: “stop complaining and being negative. You are missing the beauty and the gift that is around you – that I am giving to you!”

I was missing how pretty to snow looked on all the trees. I was missing how my 14.5 years old dog turns into a puppy in the snow despite her arthritic left knee and hip – how she loves to roll, push her nose into, and play in the snow.  I was missing the peace that falls upon the Earth after the snow is finished. I was missing looking for miles and miles and seeing white on trees and land. I was missing the strong little crocus popping up through the snow. I was missing a lot because I was complaining, whining, and being negative.

This experience has caused me to examine and pray about how much more have I missed because I don’t stop to see the gift? Hopefully, little by little, I will continue to see the beauty, the positive, – and, the GIFT! Thank you, God, for slapping me upside my head!

2018 Words

 

For the past couple of years, my friend Kay has encouraged me to pick 3 words to focus on instead of making New Year’s resolutions. I have been thinking about my new words for the past few weeks and thought I had them, but they just did not feel right and I kept coming back to just 2 different words.

“BELIEVE” is my personal motto that I keep with me all the time. BELIEVE in God, in family, and in relationships. Believe in the goodness of others, in beauty, and in love. Believe in loyalty, in forgiveness, and in compassion. Believe in a good hearty laugh, in a smile, and in the stories of a child. Believe in our flag, in hard work, and in the cathartic feeling of a good sweat. Believe in exercise, in routine, and in the wag of a dog’s tail. Believe in having fun, in taking a risk, in having a bucket list. Believe in a monarch butterfly being the presence of my dad. To believe in listening, in taking time to process, and in prayer. To BELIEVE!

My second word for 2018 is “WONDER.” This might have to do more with the professional side of my life. To wonder about how to improve as a teacher and principal. To wonder how to better support teachers. To wonder how to bring the message of Jesus Christ to our students and their families. To wonder how to deepen learning experiences for the students at St. Patrick School. To wonder how to keep pushing forward – to be creative – to think outside the box.

As I type this reflection, I realize that maybe “wonder” is not all on my professional side – to wonder how a small seed develops into a beautiful flower. To wonder how the sun rises and sets each and every day. To wonder why living includes dying. To wonder what my purpose is. To wonder if I am making a positive impact. To wonder how to become a better person. To wonder how to grow closer to God. To wonder what it will be like to see my father again… To WONDER.

What are your words? Happy 2018!

Bailey + My Vet =Advent

During the Advent and Lenten seasons, we prepare to take all of our students to confession. I will put a short prayer service together that includes a Gospel reading, an examination of conscience, and a short reflection that I give. Preparing and giving a reflection for 2nd – 8th graders is anxiety producing for me: how do I say something worthwhile to that range of ages? What will my focus be? What will be meaningful and help kids prepare for the sacrament? What message will they take with them? I began thinking about what I was going to say for Advent back in August. For months, whenever I would think “what is my focus for the Advent Penance service going to be?” I would come up with nothing and move on to the next thing – I had plenty of time to figure it out!

Fast forward 3 months – Last week I started to enter the panic stage since the prayer service was one week away. I had one little thought – maybe I would focus on St. Joseph? Good, but I just was not really excited about it. Then a thought came to me while I was walking Bailey one day after school – Bailey – she was my idea – she would be my focus for the Advent Prayer reflection coupled with the Gospel passage of Matthew 22: 36-40 – “You shall love the Lord Your God with your whole heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.”

How did I get to this crazy conclusion? Here is the inspiration I received: Bailey is 14 years old – she is an old girl with arthritis in her back legs and hips and weak kidney function. Her ailments mean that I buy her a specialty food, renew medicines on a regular basis, pay vet bills, and help her up the stairs at night. Sometimes when I get home from work the last thing I want to do is change clothes and go out for a walk, but Bailey always wants to go and so we go. When I am sitting on my couch relaxing with a book or catching up on a recent Grey’s Anatomy or This Is Us episode and Bailey wants to go out, I will get up and take her out. I will do whatever I need to for Bailey no matter the cost or inconvenience.

So, this got me thinking – Love the Lord Your God with your whole heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Do I do whatever God wants me to do? Do I take time to pray even when I don’t feel like it? Am I patient with people when they are on my nerves – the honest answer is NO – but I will do whatever Bailey wants – whenever she wants it!

Hmmm – something is a little off here – so, my Advent focus is to have a better balance – to be more attentive to God and others – to Love the Lord Your God with all your whole heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Blessings during this Advent Season!  Go Warriors!